dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize