Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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