You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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