I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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