I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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