have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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