My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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