So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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