how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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