She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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