i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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