You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize