remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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