So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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