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Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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