Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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