i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you made out with another girl for some wings
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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