i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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