i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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