i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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