She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize