i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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