I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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