I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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