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im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
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