wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize