he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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