16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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