so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
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Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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