1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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