I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize