Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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