Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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