Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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