I faked an abortion last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize