i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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