Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize