What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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