The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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