I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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