made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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