you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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