i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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