I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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