Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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