i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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