So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize