Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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