Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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