My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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