it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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